the truth

i can't play this game anymore. after all, that's all life is, right? a game?
this game is kicking my ass and i give up. i gave up on myself a long time ago, and i wish everyone else would too. i don't want to be saved because i'm already dead inside. my soul is buried. my thoughts are deadly. my heart beats for only one person. and that one person is better off without me. sometimes, i stay up and cry, staring at a wall because i know i'm hopeless. i'm broken and i don't want to be fixed. i want to feel this pain because i deserve it. stop trying to save someone who's already dead. i know you want me to stay alive, but that makes you selfish. you want me to keep suffering through this hell. you want me to stay strong. i'm not strong at all and you're a fool for thinking i am. i've been weak for so long, but i kept holding on for all you selfish bastards out there telling me it'll get better...when all it does is get worse. you constantly ask me to promise things that will keep me here longer, even if it means me cutting, taking pills, using drugs... you don't know what happens once my door closes. you don't know what i've put my body through. you don't know that i cry myself to sleep every night because it's the only way i can get to sleep. don't try to save me because i don't want it. everyone in my life right now... they could be better without me. without worrying when i'm going to hurt myself. when i'm going to take more pills. when i'm going to put myself in danger again. stop trying. you don't know a damn thing. i wish i couldn't feel a damn thing because feeling this is pure torment. if you happen to read this, leave. get out of my life as soon as you get the chance. if i make it any longer, i will continue to amount to nothing like i do now. i'll just hurt and disappoint you. that's all i'm good for. don't get all booty tickled if i self harm, i'm not cutting or burning you.. only myself. stop getting attached to me because i'm not gonna be around much longer anyways. don't love me, you'll just hurt yourself. don't try with me, it's no use.