i'm sorry

sorry for crying
sorry for not being enough
sorry for giving up on me
sorry for not opening up to you
sorry for pretending to be happy
sorry for wanting to die
sorry for 20 failed attempts
sorry for not really doing it
sorry for not being the little girl you thought i would be
sorry for lying to you
sorry for making you think i'm happy
sorry for letting you take advantage of me
sorry for being fat
sorry for being ugly
sorry skipping meals
sorry for being me
sorry for not letting you in
sorry for making you mad
sorry for leaving you before you had the chance to leave me
sorry for not being what you wanted

but i am not sorry for cutting to stay alive. you don't understand how low someone has got to be to get to the point of slicing their own skin... so, no i'm not sorry that i felt so low, so worthless, so unwanted that it felt like the only option. i'm not sorry that you made me feel worthless. i'm not sorry that your friends hate you for what you did to me. i'm not sorry to anyone who has made me feel low enough to hurt myself. i'm most certainly not sorry for myself because i deserve every damn scar i'm wearing.