You might all know me as Chrissy, or more commonly HellNoThisBitch, but there is more to me than you think.
See, the truth about me is formspring friends is all I have. You guys are my everything.
Yeah, I have family, but they don't even like me. They won't accept me. I don't spend much of my free time with them by choice. It's like, my dad forcing me to spend family time, and me awkwardly sitting there doing whatever they decided to do against my will. I love my dad &* we're close, well he tells me alot of stuff, but my entire life is a lie to him. He thinks I'm this smart, innocent, straight girl...his little girl. I am his little girl, I'm just not the little girl he wants me to be. My family means alot to me, but they are as fake as the toys made in China. :|
At school, I have one friend. ONE. Everyone else, they're mere class mates, or old friends. I used to be a social butterfly. Friends with everyone. I was a semi happy girl, the girl everyone loved, the girl who put a smile on everyone's face...The girl that I was happy to be. Now, I have ONE friend. ONE person I actually call a friend. And she has a bunch of friends. So, when I am not with her, I'm alone. I look for somewhere to sit at lunch, but there's nowhere, so I wander the halls all on my own. I am late to school alot, because I don't wanna risk being early and being alone awkwardly. I leave home right when the bell rings because I have no friends to stick around with. Only one, but she usually walks me home.
In every one of my classes, I talk to a few people, but none of those people are my friends. They all talk behind my back. Let's just face it, I cannot trust people. I have one friend, yeah she's great, but I miss the feeling of having more people. The feeling of having options. When she can't hang out, I have no one to hang out with.
So, I spend my nights in my room...on my phone, or on my ipod, or on my computer.
I sit up late at night, all hours of the night, early in the morning, all hours of the day, talking to the people who matter most to me: the people who I met in formspring.
You guys are really all I have. You guys are true friends. You guys are people I trust, people I want in my life.
Yeah, there's alot you guys do not know about me, but I still trust you guys. That's why I send you guys dumb shit you guys probably don't even care about, because I trust you. Because you guys are my real friends. Because you guys matter to me.
When Steven killed himself, I thought I'd never love again, I thought I'd never be in love again, but Shannon changed that. I fell in love with her, and even though it didn't work out, she will always have a big spot in my heart. Sure, our friendship will never be the same, but us being together really changed my life.
When he killed himself, I thought I'd never have a best friend again, then I met Theo. Instant friends. It's been almost a year since we met.
May 18 was the day.
He became my best friend, and to this day he still is. We may not talk as much as we used to, but we still are best friends, we still mean alot to each other, we still care! I love you Theo! < 3
But they aren't the only people who matter...
There's alot..Alyssa, Shameka, Rob, Caroleena, Breanna, Allie, Abbey, Elmo (Gladys), Emily, Leiisha, Cameron, and so many more...
Yeah, I may not talk to you guys about personal things, but just knowing that I could come to you at any point, that means alot.
You guys, on formspring, twitter, gifboom, are amazing. You guys are true friends. TRUE friends.
Thanks for everything. < 3
xo
Chrissy
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
In Dedication To My Little Girl, Yoyo.
This seems so silly, but writing is what I do to cope. I write. About everything.
If I get into a fight with a friend or a family member, or even just simply a peer at school, I write about it, and the pain seems to go down.
If I get mixed feelings, I write and it helps sort them out.
If I meet someone and I begin to like them, I write..It helps me express myself.
If I win an award, I write.
If I do bad or good in school, I write.
If I just feel like writing, I write.
It helps relieve pain a bit better than any person in this world listening to what I have to say would.
Yoyo. A ferret. A pet. A "rodent," which is incorrect, to millions of people. A sister to my other two ferrets. A pet to my parents. A hassle to care for to my brothers. My baby.
She's gone.
Forever.
It has been almost three years since I've had her and her siblings.
When I saw her, I claimed her.
I knew she would be my baby.
I care for the others equally, but she and I have always shared a bond stronger than my relationship with the other two.
It may sound silly to think of having relationships with a ferret, but she is one of the family.
I was not the only one upset or crying or torn apart. We all were.
I was more than that though.
I was pissed off.
Pissed off that my parents did not let me say good bye before she died.
She died while getting blood drawn because she was too weak.
They didn't let me tag along to take MY ferret to the vet because I would break down and embarrass myself.
I hope they're happy.
She died without mommy at her side.
Almost three years of beautiful memories.
Going to play with her, and seeing her hop around like a bunny and listening to her little sounds of joy.
Taking her into the yard and watching her dig in many different spots just to feel the dirt in her claws.
Taking her for a walk with her expensive collar and leash around the block.
Bathing her, with her claws cutting into my skin trying to escape the water.
Every memory replays in my head; From the first days of having her, to the last days of feeding her every two hours, trying to keep her alive.
Falling asleep these last few days on the couch with her.
I knew it would happen.
I had a feeling deep down.
And I knew today was the day.
I hoped and prayed that she would make it, and become healthy, but deep down I knew it was time.
Time for her to return home...
I held her corpse in my arms for 42 minutes, until my dad forced her out of my hands.
I wanted to hold her longer, to wait for her heart beat to return, but it was impossible.
She is really gone.
Like Steven.
Like Jamie Drew.
Like China.
Like Raven.
Like Stud.
Like Lewis.
Like Clark.
Like Mittens.
Like the tons and tons of other people and pets I've lost in my life.
She is gone, but in my heart she will forever remain.
Yoyo;
I love you babygirl.
I know you loved mommy too, and just know I tried my best.
Rest In Peace babydoll<3
PS I'm not a looney case, I just write. And loss of someone important in my life, it hurts and writing is all I have to cope. It's the only way I know how to.
If I get into a fight with a friend or a family member, or even just simply a peer at school, I write about it, and the pain seems to go down.
If I get mixed feelings, I write and it helps sort them out.
If I meet someone and I begin to like them, I write..It helps me express myself.
If I win an award, I write.
If I do bad or good in school, I write.
If I just feel like writing, I write.
It helps relieve pain a bit better than any person in this world listening to what I have to say would.
Yoyo. A ferret. A pet. A "rodent," which is incorrect, to millions of people. A sister to my other two ferrets. A pet to my parents. A hassle to care for to my brothers. My baby.
She's gone.
Forever.
It has been almost three years since I've had her and her siblings.
When I saw her, I claimed her.
I knew she would be my baby.
I care for the others equally, but she and I have always shared a bond stronger than my relationship with the other two.
It may sound silly to think of having relationships with a ferret, but she is one of the family.
I was not the only one upset or crying or torn apart. We all were.
I was more than that though.
I was pissed off.
Pissed off that my parents did not let me say good bye before she died.
She died while getting blood drawn because she was too weak.
They didn't let me tag along to take MY ferret to the vet because I would break down and embarrass myself.
I hope they're happy.
She died without mommy at her side.
Almost three years of beautiful memories.
Going to play with her, and seeing her hop around like a bunny and listening to her little sounds of joy.
Taking her into the yard and watching her dig in many different spots just to feel the dirt in her claws.
Taking her for a walk with her expensive collar and leash around the block.
Bathing her, with her claws cutting into my skin trying to escape the water.
Every memory replays in my head; From the first days of having her, to the last days of feeding her every two hours, trying to keep her alive.
Falling asleep these last few days on the couch with her.
I knew it would happen.
I had a feeling deep down.
And I knew today was the day.
I hoped and prayed that she would make it, and become healthy, but deep down I knew it was time.
Time for her to return home...
I held her corpse in my arms for 42 minutes, until my dad forced her out of my hands.
I wanted to hold her longer, to wait for her heart beat to return, but it was impossible.
She is really gone.
Like Steven.
Like Jamie Drew.
Like China.
Like Raven.
Like Stud.
Like Lewis.
Like Clark.
Like Mittens.
Like the tons and tons of other people and pets I've lost in my life.
She is gone, but in my heart she will forever remain.
Yoyo;
I love you babygirl.
I know you loved mommy too, and just know I tried my best.
Rest In Peace babydoll<3
PS I'm not a looney case, I just write. And loss of someone important in my life, it hurts and writing is all I have to cope. It's the only way I know how to.
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